Anteroinen wrote:Are you sure you want to permanently close it down so suddenly? Take a brake, a long one even, certainly, but if you enjoyed it and just burned yourself out doing it with too tight a schedule, then your mind might eventually change. You did say there are videos you want to put out, not just videos you feel like you have to put out, after all. At least don't do anything as drastic as deleting all the content you have up!
That said, your life is your life and your goals are your goals. Do what is best for you.
I know I've already responded to this quote, but now that I've had a week to clear my head and let the dust settle, I've prepared a new response.
What I've realized? Yes, I had a burnout, and I've come to terms with it. Now I have a clearer picture in mind of what the hell is exactly going on inside my head.
First off, for those of you who have been wondering, I've gotten back on track with my life this past week. Not having to stress about churning out 3-4 videos plus stream every two weeks has made me realize that there are other things to do. I've taken the time to capitalize on that, and I'm proud of it.
Here's the thing: the work I've been trying to do to keep the channel as it is has been way too much. To try to build a channel meant to feed into a variety of possible interests for the community as well as put out multiple series of videos that I feel should be there gave me an obscene amount of work. And to be quite honest I didn't really enjoy most of it.
Over this past week, I realized that Mateusz Skutnik himself doesn't use YouTube as a true YouTuber. He doesn't care to fall into the mode of having constant uploads, different series, and strict ends to meet. (He definitely doesn't do two let's plays a day either.) He uses his channel for what he wants, and when he wants to do it. He doesn't care about algorithms or trying to satisfy his audience with a bunch of knick-knacks because he is confident enough with the work he wants to do.
So why did I think it would be such a great idea to turn Jatsko into a huge multiseries channel? Why did I feel the need to set up a multiple-video-per-week schedule like all of these other big channels do? That's what I did when I was a let's player, and I hated it. Now I realize I did just the same thing, but under a different light.
Over the past year, I've tried to take inspiration for my videos from channels like Valve News Network, The Game Theorists, and then tried to add some other creative aspects for games outside Pastel Land. What I really should have done to be able to make all that work is condense them into each other, not add them to each other.
Because I don't want to worry about 4 videos a week. I want to worry about making a video that I really want to make, whenever I want to. That's what Mat does, and that's what I want to do. Not to try to sustain this massive thing that grows and speaks for everyone.
Now I know that might sound a little selfish, after pledging to turn the channel into a Pastel Forum for YouTube, but let's face some realities based off of stats: Beating the Machine has far outperformed any other video series on the channel, except for the Submachine playthroughs, which were boosted by the Sub10 LP, which was a huge mistake on my part. (I've explained that before; while I think it's what boosted my channel in the first place, I will NEVER do anything like that again. It took a very big toll on me mentally and physically) But yeah, BTM is the only spotlight of the channel. Pastel News might be a close second. The other series are just sort of....there.
And I mean that in terms of both views AND personal motivation to have them there. Guess which series I only really care about? That's right, BTM.
Another thing: Does Pastel Land really NEED a YouTube channel? I know I thought it would be great to help wrap the community up, but the thing is, we've already been so close together for a long time. Seems like my only true intentions behind converting Jatsko to PastelTube was to try to expand our range.
And for as long as I can remember, this community has not been praised for its quantity, but for its quality. How did I ever misguide myself as to think that it could be better differently?
....and there are still videos I want to make.
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So, here we go. Time to flip flop. Time to come back like the goof I am.
I want to make videos for the channel. But I want to do it right, and here's how:
1) Only make videos I care about, which for the moment include future Submachine trailers, personal announcements (like when I finally get around to making the Submachine fanfics), related streams, etc. NOT videos like Comrade's Pick, Game Scope, etc. I didn't really care to make those videos that much and I personally am fine with just considering those games when I play them, and if I want to discuss them with others, well, that's what the forum is for.
2) Turn the channel back into Jatsko. Get rid of the Jatsko Productions channel, get rid of the Pastel Land decorations, and turn it back right into what it was in that sweet period between the Sub10 LP and the beginning of PastelTube. When I was making Replicata, that sort of time period. I don't want to have the big price of PastelTube to carry around, especially if it goes against the core virtues of the community.
3) For those of you who want to have your own videos - Solution: Guest videos? A couple of channels that I'm subscribed to (notably, Sargon of Akkad, MrRepzion, others) have guest videos every so often where someone else makes a video for the channel. Oftentimes other creators will also do some collaboration within a video. We'll work on that later; I want to hear your guys's thoughts on that. (I mean, I want to hear your thoughts on this entire post, but, you know
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...and some other things. Because I can easily picture myself enjoying putting together a video I really care about every so often, like Mateusz does with his streams, and he's doing that once a week. And still everyone loves him and talks about him, maybe because we as a whole don't care about the whole YouTube aspect of it.
However, I don't anticipate starting back up again until January, at least. There are a couple of reasons:
1) Everything on my computer related to the channel is gone. I had a bit of a moment of panic and extreme horror and disgust as I realized how I was spending my time and I deleted everything. Everything. Even Hitfilm Express, the software used to make the videos. (Still kept Windows Movie Maker though, because as simple as it is, I love that little shit :3) So I have to go back and create a couple of new templates for intros, etc. as well as redownload videos from the channel that I think are worth keeping. (Let's face it, there are a lot of videos on the channel now that I wouldn't mind if they disappeared if my channel was deleted from copyright strikes from using music illegally in livestreams, and I'm only keeping them there to show that I'm a person with a history and that I'm responsible for it). Lot of interior restructuring I'll have to do.
2) December is the holiday season and last month of the semester. Enough said.
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I've been writing for too long now; you guys get the point. I'm coming back, starting over, and condensing into my comfort zone. Gonna be a 2017 New Year's resolution (along with a fair amount of others).
Awaiting your comments and words of wisdom below
(Oh, right, this is linked in my most recent video, so I'm obliged to say "And as always, I hope to see you again sometime down the road; bye-bye!)
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